So much to do with video games needs shotguns. It’s a fact that every game would be improved with the inclusion of a meaty double-barrelled shotgun. My lot would be much improved by a shotgun wedding to any one of various former members of LucasArts. A good few designers could use a bellyful of shot to improve the general wellbeing of the industry, and if you recoil against that as an unnecessary use of force, do allow me to at least get in a few sharp jabs with the buttstock.

First up for the treatment would be Backbone Entertainment, who can probably best be categorized as a parasite, sucking away at the neck of grandfatherly games consoles, extracting precious properties from the blood and excreting some sort of slightly bitter goo. To hell with the metaphor; all I know is their company’s logo has front-ended a surprisingly high number of old games from the Mega Drive and Super Nintendo generation that have wriggled their way onto my 360’s hard drive, from Ecco the Dolphin through to Golden Axe.

It’s a tough life. Having super powers, that is. Or, at least, super powers by earthworm standards, because by most other standards they would just be powers. And not very good ones, because they don’t do much to keep you alive. Earthworm Jim has a super-suit that makes him stronger, smarter, faster, more prone to explode, and did I mention there’s a pocket rocket in one of the suit’s pockets? Earthworm Jim is a very lucky worm, and you are a very unlucky gamer, because Earthworm Jim requires herculean effort to not die oh so very often.