Remember Primal Scream therapy? It was popular a while back. John Lennon was into it. All these repressed neuroses lurking inside us, messing us up from within, could be brought bubbling to the surface by standing fast and making a noise like you’ve just stepped out of bed and onto a hairbrush. Anyway, if that’s meant to be some kind of release, it sucks. Men – manly men – have known for millennia that the best way to sort it all out mentally is to thump something hard and repeatedly. If you can swear while doing it, that’s fine, but combatively pacifying the most immediate thing in your vicinity is the key, here.
A generation of sitting in darkened living rooms thumbing gamepads rather than chopping wood means this generation of men is inadequately built to engage in such physical pacification; the best we can hope for after limply punching a wall for ten minutes is that our knuckles have attained a slightly pinkish sheen. Even then, that wouldn’t do, because it would make it harder to hold the pad for more than a couple of hours and that’s no good at all. Happily, Dynasty Warriors provides, and has always prided itself on providing, thousands of handily placed things to whale on in this most time-honoured tradition without ruining your shoulder-button fingers.